Testimony

Something I’ve always struggled with is, I guess, fitting in or feeling like people really knew me. From battling loneliness and the need to stand out, to fostering negative self-image, I tended to feel utterly forgettable and yet out of place from people, even friends and family. I’ve always been a little insecure, over-analyzing my relationships to make sure I was doing everything right. Constantly thinking this way left me tired and unfulfilled.

There was never a time when Jesus wasn’t in my life. I grew up in a solid Christian community. Of course my relationship with him hasn’t always been the same, though. Sure, I followed the rules. No one really saw what I struggled with. My friends, for the most part, have also been Christians, and I’ve always been a church goer. I never partook in things that were obviously not “Christian” as far as the world was concerned. I understood what forgiveness was and that I was promised eternal life. There was something missing, though. And I could feel it. An emptiness. A loneliness.

Because of my family, friends, and church community, I started to understand that this incomplete religion wasn’t what Jesus wanted for me. He wanted a passionate friendship. He wanted to fill every empty space in my life. He didn’t want me to be lonely anymore or depend on the affection of the people around me to make me complete. When I finally understood how devoted Jesus was to me and in return how devoted I wanted to be to him, my walk with the Lord became so much deeper. I understood what everyone was talking about, the love that could conquer all and the beautiful friendship God wanted with each of us.

He loves me, and He made me special, so I don't have to prove my unique value by being the smartest or coolest. And He wants to be in perfect community with me for all of eternity. I'm never alone.

Though hating myself seemed like humility, I've since realized it was pride. Through a closer relationship with Christ, my point of view has shifted. I'm no longer staring at myself in an unforgiving light. I'm looking toward God. By looking away from myself, my understanding of who I am and where I fit in has grown. God showed me where I’ll always belong.

To be honest, this transformation wasn’t some instant fix or easy cure. It’s a constant uphill battle. I continually struggle with these things, but my foundation never fails. I no longer have to find my worth on a scale or in the opinion of those around me. I’m not a slave to the opinions of the world. I know who I am because of Jesus, and that has set me free.